I will be lighting my menorah and plugging in the tree this year with a new family member. Both of us believe in low stress holidays.  Not everyone observes family events in the same way; some do nothing at all. My parents had long decided religion was merely a guide for others and they decidedly lived by the principle of “We’re not going to know who’s right until we’re dead, so in the interim be a good person.” Not a shabby way to look at it, if you ask me.

As I work this week on two family celebrations, it reminds me of some guidelines that help keep us all sane and guilt-free:

1.  Traditions — keep what you like, ditch what you don’t. Love the desserts your grandmother used to make, but hate spending time in the kitchen? Call Trader Joe’s, work with a caterer or give a recipe to your best friend who loves to cook. Sure it may not be the gourmet way, but it’s another way to make it work for your family.  The world will not end.

2.  Fake it till you make it.  For some folks real Christmas trees can be expensive, if you think you want to make the switch to a fake one, see if someone you know has one you can borrow. There’s nothing written in any religious doctrine that says fake trees are sinful.  If you hate it, you can always go back to the real one next year.

3. Who says you have to eat at home? Discuss the option of eating at another family member’s home or a friend’s house from time to time. Even a local restaurant or a vacation spot might be fun during the holidays for a change of pace.  You might be surprised at what resorts do for holidays and it might even be considered “off season” for some places.

4. What changes can be made to a holiday so it’s more festive and less frustrating? Notice how I did not say how will “you” change it? Holiday celebrations are meant to be family celebrations, so it should not depend on one single person to “make” the holiday special.

5. Will anything change this year for your family? Are there changes to be considered but the only thing in the way is not knowing how well they would go over with everyone else? Are there changes that have already been made in the way your family observes holidays you would like to share with others? Do tell.

Tradition should always include a little room for change.